Level 3+
www- This is an impressive essay showing very good research and a clear grasp of the topic. With a little refinement in key areas this should be a level 4+
EBI- We need to look carefully at you question and introduction as they are not clearly defined currently.
- You have quite a few paragraphs where the point is not entirely clear or drifting off the point. This is costing you key marks.
- Research is impressive but a few more academic/book sources would help - particularly in the last section on audience. There is a bit too must Wikipedia too.
In my second draft for my critical investigation, I am aiming for a level 4.
In terms of getting a level 4, I will have to...
- Look over and re-read my entire essay and ensure it all links to my question and topic. Furthermore, this will be done by making sure it is all on topic and clearly linking to the music industry.
- In terms of my question, it definitely needs tweaking as it is not defined. The word "flow" creates confusion and is not described in the essay therefore this needs to be clearly stated and the question needs to be re-worded.
- I will also need to gain more information from academic papers and books as I am lacking in this area in my research and bibliography. Currently, I have 31 footnotes in my essay however a vast amount of them are from websites and it would be nice to have more books and academic sources.
- I also need to include more media theories throughout the essay. Examples of theories which could be useful in terms of the music industry could be audience theories and demographics as this links to how consumers consume music.
- Including more facts and figures would be key as it would help to explain my points in the essay. True facts and figures would allow proof and means the essay has been well researched and understanding of the overall area.
I would like to gain a few things from the BFI trip such as...
- More books based on the music industry to broaden my knowledge and understanding of the music industry. Having a broader knowledge of the industry would definitely mean that I am more educated in my topic area therefore meaning that I would write a better essay.
- Historical content based on the music industry could also be quite useful as this would also me to have more contrast between the current industry juxtaposing against the old one. Possibly having information based on MTV and how it changed the industry would help a lot.
- Information on piracy will also be helpful in my section about piracy and illegal downloading. I need more evidence of well researched content based on piracy in order to ensure I have facts and figures relating to this issue.
